Future Females

Denise Duffield-Thomas

Denise Duffield-Thomas: Money Mindset – Treat Your Money Like A Lover

Denise Duffield-Thomas is the money mentor for a new wave of online entrepreneurs who want to make money and change the world. She helps entrepreneurs charge premium prices, release their fear of money, and create first-class lives. Her books, Get Rich, Lucky Bitch, and her newest, Chill and Prosper (the updated version of Chillpreneur), give a fresh and funny roadmap to living a life of abundance without burnout. Her Money Bootcamp has helped over 8,500 students from all around the world.

In episode #9 of the Future Females Show, hosted by Media Personality & Transformational Coach, Susana Kennedy, and Co-Founder & CEO of Future Females, Lauren Dallas, Denise talks about a “Money Mindset” and how to treat your money like a lover.

ALSO SEE: Oyama Botha: How to Practice Radical Self-Love

You took up the challenge to tackle the issue of money and created a career out of it, helping hundreds and thousands of women around the world! Can you tell us a little bit about that journey?

My personality has always been to learn something new and then immediately teach it to someone else, and I think that is what we as women do: we solve a problem, and then we share it. The mindset shift for me was that that is actually valuable because I think it’s also sometimes part of who we are as women. I was the “go-to” girl for my friends and family for so many things and I think it can be a little addictive to try and help everybody with everything, and it becomes so much a part of your personality that you almost don’t believe you can monetise it. One is because you think that it’s you, you help people, but the other part for me was thinking that everyone knows how to do something, or everyone can figure it out. Also, I didn’t have any role models growing up around having a business, and also because the business of transformation and coaching wasn’t mainstream at the time. 

It took me a long time to realise that I was allowed to monetise that part of my personality, and that’s really what my book “Get Rich, Lucky Bitch” is about – to know thyself and prosper, but also to find those things that you would do for free, those things you do naturally and feels like fun and play, because that is a clue to what you’re here to do. 

You said your mindset around money was one of the biggest turning points for you. How did you tap into that? What was that change? 

Being an entrepreneur was definitely always on the cards for me, but I just couldn’t figure out how to receive money from doing that. When you work for someone else they set your day rate, they give you a salary, and there are very particular rules about when and how you can ask for an increase. When you work for yourself, you have to figure all of that out for yourself. I noticed that we take it very personally – it’s almost a reflection of our self-worth. I went through that myself, but I was always so passionate about personal development that I started to look at it from that lens. If Louise Hay is telling me to look in the mirror and say, “I love you, I accept you”, what would happen if I did that with my money? So I started to look at my money as something that was worth looking at and nurturing. What if we were able to be friends with money? What if we were to use money as a tool like we use any of our skills or talents? That was my exploration, and I realised that I’m allowed to talk about money – that we’re all allowed to talk about money. What I find to be the best thing ever, is that people tell me their money stories and I get to hear amazing, juicy stories all day long and find new nuances around why we’re so scared of money. 

ALSO SEE: Lorna Mlonzi: From Township Living to Lunch with Richard Branson

How do you help women discover what is the blocker before they can solve it?

The good news is that everyone has money blocks. The not-so-good news is that it’s a lifelong process. I have been doing this work full-time for 10 years now, I’ve heard thousands and thousands of money stories, and I still find new stories from other people that I resonate with. So where do you start? When people come and join my Money Bootcamp I get them to do a bit of an inventory or a timeline of their life. For example, I might ask them to tell me about the circumstances of their family and what I notice is that sometimes how you grew up and how much money you had, depends on the contrast that you saw. Look at your founding memories of gift-giving holidays, for example. The important thing is to connect the dots to how it’s showing up for you today. If you grew up with really frugal parents, how could that be showing up for you? For example, for some people, it could be that they’re also really frugal and that they don’t need to be. 

Do you help your clients with knowing where to pitch themselves when they quote?

Absolutely. The thing about pricing is that it’s totally made up. It’s based on perception and position and all of those things, and you really can pull a number out of your butt. It’s where you want to position yourself in the market. Sometimes the price is just as much of a branding signifier as anything else. People don’t believe me, but I think what most people are looking for, to be very honest, is a critic-proof price – and it doesn’t exist. You have to pick a price that feels energetically win-win, and because it is such a personal thing it is really difficult to crowdsource your pricing or to ask people what they think you should charge. I know it sounds very unscientific but you know when it feels right in your body. Once it doesn’t, you can change it again because you are never going to find your forever price. 

Do you believe there is a way of correcting a money block that is layered throughout society? 

Yes, I call it excavating money blocks because the truth is, it has been built one layer at a time – little things that are in your DNA that have been passed along for generations and generations that you don’t even realise are there. We’ve got these massive layers that feel real, like it’s our foundation. Each time we carve out a bit of time, there’s more – more nuggets to carve out. That doesn’t mean you have to wait until everything’s cleared for you to make money, though. Sometimes it unlocks something in you, and then you might find the fear starting to creep in again. And that’s okay! If you think of it as little nuggets of gold then it doesn’t feel like you’re just being punished all the time and having to do the work, because you’re getting rewarded.

It’s so new that women of our age can not only have a job or money, but we can create so much wealth and abundance for ourselves. Let’s face it, it’s still not available to everyone on the planet but, my mother didn’t have these opportunities, her mother didn’t, etc. No wonder it’s scary! That’s why I believe we should have some compassion for ourselves, that we are literally just breaking free from centuries of oppression. Even though it’s an amazing time to be a woman in business, we’re chartering new territory that we don’t have many examples from our own families, let alone from society and culture.

I remind myself that money gives us choice and power. We have to remind ourselves that we can handle this power and this choice. 

ALSO SEE: Aunnie Patton-Power: How to Attract Angel Investment

How do you find and follow the path of least resistance?

By knowing thyself and prospering. It can be in very big and little ways. When I realised I was an introvert, it was eye-opening to me because I was a performer growing up and I realised how much I forced myself to play a part, but it would be very draining. Even just understanding that nuance was life-changing for me. In a business context, it means that when I do events, run retreats or have a big promotional period, I need to make sure I’ve got time to recalibrate because I know that about myself. I think you can use any personality test to learn more about yourself and make little adjustments. The idea is to get rid of the friction, get rid of the guilt, and allow yourself to do what feels natural. That is the lesson.   

ALSO SEE: Liza Pavlakos: How to Be a Purpose-Driven Entrepreneur

Watch the show episode video here: 

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