Most of you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking, “Well, this has to be interesting…” That’s exactly what I want you to think – because it PROVES a point that some pageants and ambassador programs have a bad reputation. I use the term loosely because some “pageants” deserve every ounce of criticism they receive – we have to look no further than some local and international reality TV shows.
With that being said, I’m here to challenge your thinking on the qualities and characteristics of young women who participate in such programs – be it on a local, regional or national level. In addition to these experiences providing life lessons about the importance of community service, how to balance a busy schedule, being a positive role model, and the finer points of etiquette, I assert that there are valuable life lesson, as well as business principles that can be garnered.
I’ve been involved with a beauty pageant for 4 months (however, I have about 3 years collectively in the beauty pageant industry), because of an experience that changed my life when I was 22 years old. Here are a few pearls of wisdom that I picked up along the way:
It’s okay if things don’t go as planned
My experience has taught me that when things don’t happen according to your plan, there’s usually something better in store for you. Even with the best-laid plans, you have to be open to curve balls in life and accept them for what they are.
My involvement with a national beauty pageant required me to represent a province I knew nothing about – partially based at the fact that I was a law student at a university based in a city there – literally weeks before classes begun. This was challenging because I was relocating to a new city and stressful because it was the first time I was truly alone in this journey called life, but that allowed me to concentrate on my studies, build a network of contacts and availed me of other opportunities that I normally wouldn’t have been exposed to have I remained in my home town. It also introduced me to some new solid friendships, and I’ve been grateful for these things ever since.
So, if your plans take an unexpected turn – perhaps you didn’t land the job you wanted, or get that big promotion – take a moment to pause and reflect. Then make the best choices with what you are given and also trusting that the detour on your course arrived for a reason. Many times you may not even realise the value of that detour until you look back and reflect, but I will definitely guarantee that you’ll learn something from it.
The importance of a proper handshake
This might seem obvious (or unobvious to others), but you would be surprised at how many people I have met who have a terrible handshake! And unfortunately, many of those people are women.
I credit my experience as being a provincial ambassador back in 2014 with learning how to make an effective and proper handshake – full contact, medium firmness and with direct eye contact. This also dispels the myth that a proper handshake has to be hard and masculine – it does not.
The secret is everyone needs to be confident when they make that critical first impression and introduction – no matter what industry you’re in, your job title or how old you are. A good, solid handshake is an invaluable gesture that garners immediate credibility.
If I meet someone who gives me a lousy handshake, I politely call them on it and ask for another one. So, how’s your handshake?
You never know when one decision will be a game-changer
We make thousands of decisions every single day – some big, some small. Some important, some mundane. But every once in a while you make a seemingly insignificant decision that rocks your world.
My decision to participate in a national beauty pageant shortly after I vowed to myself I would never do it again was one of those decisions. It led me to another leadership program later on that had a significant impact on me, including what I’m currently studying at University and my career in Law. It led me to volunteer service and mentoring young women from high school right through to career women.
It provided a network of mentors and colleagues that I wouldn’t otherwise have the honour of knowing. Small decisions can deliver big impact!
For every dozen risks you take, a few may turn out to be winners, and if you’re really lucky, one might be a big winner. There’s no magic trick or magic spell to knowing which ones will hit the jackpot, but some thoughtful reflection might lead you in the right direction.
Questions you might ask yourself are:
1. What have I got to lose if I don’t try?
2. What are the business, financial or emotional risks to myself, and those around me?
3. Will I wonder “what if” later on? What’s the “Regret Factor”?
4. Will I have the chance to do this again in the future?
5. When was the last time I challenged myself to do something outside my comfort zone?
Is someone else encouraging me to do this because they think I have the skills? You will learn to doubt yourself less if you understand how to take calculated risks. In the end, you still have to take several risks to find that game changer, but the more you try, the quicker it will happen!
The power of mentoring
Lots of people have participated in mentoring programmes, but for many professionals, some just add it to the list of “Things I Should Do Someday.”
I would probably be in this same WhatsApp group if it were not for my experiences. As an ambassador, I was fortunate enough to make connections with wonderful coaches and mentors from various backgrounds whom I still rely on to this very day.
I’m absolutely certain I wouldn’t be where I am – either personally or professionally – without them. They were, and still are, there to guide me, answer questions and encourage me during my critical university years. I have never forgotten how important this was, and have been steadfast and passionate about giving back and guiding other young women through similar circumstances.
Once I mentored a young lady from a rural area in Zimbabwe. I expected our conversations to be about university coursework, looking for internships and part-time jobs in her field of study and networking strategies.
To my surprise, this young lady from Zimbabwe had arrived at our university in South Africa and had no idea how to use the bus shuttle system to get to her classes! She didn’t know how to contact her Faculty Administrator or even how to find a part-time job through various societies at our university.
I put myself in her shoes and realized how scary it must have been for her. I realised quickly that my role was to guide her on the very basics of university life – things most students already know and can do without second thought. I also looked for and found the opportunity to learn from her.
She spoke fluent Shona, so I insisted that when we met we tried to speak in Shona so I could learn a new language. She was ever so grateful and we had a fabulous experience. I will never forget her.
If you have had a great mentor in your life, it’s important to do two things: Tell them “thank you”, and pay it forward and give back to future leaders. Many times, my mentors saw potential in me or opportunities that I would not have recognised or taken advantage of on my own.
The wisdom they shared with me came from their own experiences and insights, which are invaluable tools to those you mentor. The ability (and honour) to help guide and advise other young women is extremely rewarding and does not have to be a daunting task.
Even if they are not in the same faculty as you, it’s about making a connection and listening and advising from someone who’s been there and done that but most importantly, someone they can trust. You may not even realise the impact you could have on another person with simple and small acts. It’s powerful and worthwhile – go do it!
Strong public speaking skills will set you apart
Everyone’s worst nightmare, right? Well, it does not have to be; and you can really use this skill to your advantage in various situations.
This is something I’ve grown to appreciate, but I wasn’t always comfortable with public speaking. I was actually quite shy growing up. However, I was forced to do this often as an ambassador – and many times then I would like, without the advantage of advance preparation (aka winging it) in front of hundreds of people, including dignitaries, distinguished guests and members of all three spheres of government.
Being at ease in front of people will help differentiate you and advance your career in many different ways. Of course, it gives you the confidence and experience to make killer presentations, the ability to speak off the record, and maybe even stand up in a room of people and make a fool of yourself once in a while (when in doubt, use self-deprecating humour!). But these skills will pay off in other ways too. It also gives you the confidence to walk into a room of strangers and make conversation. It gives you the courage to extend your hand and introduce yourself. It helps you find a connection with someone you just met. It boosts your confidence. Trust me – people take notice of others who demonstrate these skills and are at ease with speaking publicly! It could very well be that little extra polish between you and another candidate vying for a position or promotion.
Grace never goes out of style
I often say you can never be too polite or too dressed up. In one word: Grace. It’s a big word that encompasses many qualities and means something different to everyone.
Grace can mean impeccable manners, using proper grammar, bring charming or having a polished style. It can also be used to describe how you handle various situations: With professionalism, kindness and poise. Think “grace under pressure”.
All these traits involve paying attention to the details, and all of these traits are widely recognized and highly respected in professional environments. Grace is a key component of your own personal brand and a pillar of your character.
Often times it’s someone’s first impression of you – and it may happen without you even speaking a word.
See, you don’t have to have a title to be someone. What you’ve been gifted with naturally can still work for you.
And, always remember this quote by Coco Chanel
“Success is often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable.”
Here’s to a more gracious you!